Setting Limits with Time Out

Most of us parents have heard that it makes sense to set limits with children, and although we may want to do that, what does it actually mean and how do we do it?
Why do kids need limits? Is it just for our convenience? Sometimes it is, but more than that, it gives kids the structure they need. By being clear about what we would like them to do, or not do, is one very effective way of providing such structure. It also clearly outlines their boundaries, keeping them safe, and letting them know what they can and can’t do.
So how do we set limits?
1. Decide which particular behavior you will no longer want.
2. When he is in his regular mood (and not doing the unwanted behavior), tell him simply and clearly what your plan is: every time/next time you (fill in the blank here) I’ll put you in time out until you’ve calmed down. Keep your voice neutral, not in any way angry or threatening. Answer any he may have, but don’t get drawn into negotiations.
3. When he does the unwanted behavior, don’t give any warnings, just remind him of what you told him, and put him in time out until he calms down. When he is in timeout, it’s important not to give him any attention, but keep an eye or ear on him. Ignore any whining and if he gets out, put him back until he stays there until he’s calm. If you have to say something, say the same thing every time and that he can come out when he’s calm.
4. When he’s been calm for a very short time – don’t leave him in time out when he’s accomplished that, it’ll make him more frustrated – let him out and acknowledge the fact that he calmed down. He was told to go to time out to calm down, and that’s what he did, so that’s what he gets praised for. That’s the behavior you want to reinforce, so don’t talk about what got him there and reinforce the wrong behavior.
5. When you set a limit, be prepared for your child to test you, to see if you’re serious. That’s normal. When or if he does, consistently follow through and he’ll stop testing.
Check out my video (below) on Time Out - it'll give you more detail and you can watch it any time. Good luck!